If It's Coming Over You Like It's Coming Over Me

I’m not sure what I’m trying to achieve by drafting this post. Or will I even successfully put into words the significance of it at all. In fact, I doubt it’ll even make it to the list of published posts.

So, tuan-tuan dan cik-cik sekalian, adalah dinasihatkan supaya anda menekan butang yang berwarna merah yang mempunyai lambang ‘x’ di atasnya.

Here and now, I find myself in the same predicament as before. I have so many things that I want to blog about but time does not permit me to really write, to pour out my thoughts and feelings. Not only is time an issue but inspiration seems to have deserted me as well.

I would like to do a more meticulous update about what’s been going on with me but I reckon it would have to wait until inspiration decides to visit me again.

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I don’t know where to begin. Okay, maybe I do. I guess it all started when the demons of the past caught up with me. The epiphany of time occasionally does that when we least expect it. Talking to too many people, doing too many things that doesn’t concern me, and what not. The other night, I got distracted and end up helping this cina charity society fold paper swans until 1am when I rightfully know I was supposed to study for Econs test! OMG. Eh wait, that’s not the point. The thing is, I’ve noticed recently, no actually, the past seven months, I’ve been meeting one too many new acquaintances, both from Sabah and college, not that I’m complaining. It’s just that, what happens to the old ones? Last week a met a guy named Hunt, and the week before was Moses, and before him was SQ and Ee Yun…. I barely have time to register foreign names and faces and get to know their whereabouts before I go registering a new contact in my already mampat phonebook. Adoi.

Anyhow, I’ve been updating the phonebook over the weekend so not to mix up the Alexs’ and Jason’s in the world. I have a grand total of EIGHT Jason’s in my phonebook, excluding the two whom I’ve deleted. Friends and family and random contacts are categorized. I hate doing it, but I see no other option after sending wrong texts to people I’ve mistaken them to be. So memalukan okay.

And so, friends, you are now listed in my phonebook according to the means we are acquainted with. Blur? For example, the Jasons are now listed as Jason/NS, Jason/tarc or Jason/13. Just so you know, best friend, you’re classified as Crystal/BBF :D

Speaking of the past, there used to be someone special. Someone, who with just a feeble joke or a crooked smile gets me smiling until the moment my head full of hair plops the pillow at night. At first, it was an awesome feeling. The joy and anger, they were pure. Everything became more colourful. Even studying seemed a little more appealing then it used to. However, simple stuff turned difficult. As time passed, laughter transformed into doubt, confusion, and basically the whole package that comes along without a charge, unwanted. Days came and went, and after a huge span of time, lengthy emo sessions and floury exchange of texts with best friend at ungodly hours, it all became a numb wound that won’t hurt with any amount of nudging or poking. And so it’s been a year since it all started.

That’s when curiosity starts lurking. I should have take heed of the advice, curiousity killed the cat. Maybe catching up wasn’t such a great idea after all huh? I should have left things the way it were. I’m sorry, I'm disappointed but I definitely did'n regret it. The fact that things that revolve around me always get screwed up and annoys me isn’t gonna leave me ALONE is it?.. What I hate the most is I'm unable to fix things right and yet somehow feel appallingly vulnerable.

I wallow in the past and obsess about the future. How bad can that be huh? Very I say.

The moments of forgetfulness is such a bliss.