I've Got Nothing

It just so happens that this post is filled with nonsense. Don't like it? Click the red button on the top right hand corner. Problem solved.

Ever have one of those days where, at the very end, you just have nothing?

You are too worn out, wrung out, exhausted, empty, and dead beat to have any emotion, any laughter, any energy, any anything?

This week was filled with those days.

Recently, ever so often, my race has been questioned. Over and over again. Until I begin to doubt it myself. I noticed this seems to be a routine thing every time I enter a foreign environment. And despite being so tulan over the whole thing, I’ll sum up just enough enthusiasm and answer back nonchalantly. On good hair days, I’ll come up with an ironic comeback.

I'm always bombarded with questions alike. Questions that will sink in and cause a flood in me. You can’t speak Chinese ah? Really?

Like being submerged in unconscious guilt is not bad enough, people start taking a stab at whatever dialect that comes jumping into their mind. What about Cantonese? Or Hokkien? Oh you’re a Hokkien? But you cannot speak Hokkien?

It goes unsaid, my nationality does not flee unscathed. You’re a Chinese? Chinese that can’t speak Chinese, what kind of Chinese are you wei? Why your name so different, are you Corean? Are your parents of mix heritage? At home never speak Chinese? What language you speak at home?.. Oh please la, my parents are as Chinese as they can be. Don’t lay it on them.

Up to this day, I still don’t understand Statistic after countless attempts. I even borrowed a smarty pant’s answers to refer and check where I screwed up. But alas, time wasn’t on my side. :( Boo.

Look on the bright side, we’re learning about Permutations now. Yeah, the stuffs from Form 5. I once thought Statistic was gonna be kacang puteh, I mean, how hard can ogives, histograms and median be? Boy, was I wrong.

I'm praying so hard it doesn’t do that 360 degree thing and hoot in my face, all over again.

The Citrawarna assignment I was given is not going as smooth as I have predicted long before. When forecasts turns into reality, it’s a mess. Oh HELLO?? Am I the only member in this group?

Joey just dispensed a piece of happy news in my msn chatbox. Joey’s ice-cream offer is still valid and available to claim anytime. And I will, one of these days. God knows I need it.

My family. I'm sure there will be more posts to follow, but after being away at NS for nearly two months, I still miss having them around the corner. Who doesn't? Well, I'm sure there's a select few, but mine is compounded with the fact that home is an hour away. It would be SO much easier if home was close enough for me to come over for dinner and then balik hostel. But no, I'm forced to source for dinner because I'm just too lazy. Besides, now, no one frets when I refuse to eat my portion of fish.

Oh, halal food makes Amin happy. But, four bucks char kuey teow doesn’t. I find the extreme raise in price recently ubber ridiculous okay.

So, I'm sitting on this hard wooden brown chair, pecking away at my home pc (trying to interrupt Little Sister form watching Catwoman), and thinking about what to blog. And I've got nothing. I am seething with jealousy over the several witty, insightful blogs I have read tonight because those people all had something to say. If I had any energy, I would've laughed out loud. And I've got nothing.

Szetoo, the slacker.
Fang, the fungus.
Weishya, the water tangki.
Sheryl, the sakai.
Philllip, the piping boy.
;)

Signing off,
Mishya, budak TARC.

P/s: Syaz, I swear, the sole purpose of your existence is to laugh at me.