Still alive

Yes, I'm back. And only because it’s so depressing to see a lesser amount of people are visiting my blog :(. And to those who have been harassing me on updates, nah, here it is.

Only recently it dawned upon me that I’ll be eighteen years of age this year. Nah, after being a hodgepodge muddle in my thick milky white cranium for awhile, it’s finally typed out in white and black on this blogpost now. I’d be eighteen yet I'm prone to making childlike judgments ever so often.

Sigh. Grow up Weishya.

The New Year, as many of you are aware of, is regularly interrelated to a new beginning or chapter. For me, it’s nothing like that. Not yet at least. I’ve got high hopes, mind you. Stepping into 2008 also meant facing the agony of deciding on college courses. I'm vulnerable, scared shitless of reality. And oblivious as I ever was.

I’ve been fillin up my new yearly planner with friends’ birthdays and important little things like that. I’ve always liked new stationary :) Its funny how certain people once matter so much in our lives that their birthdays, mobile phone number and things like that are tattooed on our brain cells. And yet, at this point of life we need ridiculous things like yearly planners and reminders to jog our memory.

What I’ve realize somewhere in the middle of my disappearance is that sometimes just having the conversation can make events spiral off in a different, even more dangerous direction. You could go mad, wondering if you’d done the right thing. Sigh. Up till now, I'm still questioning if what I did was for the best. I didn’t want to keep letting you down, frustrating you, hurting you. At the same time, I didn’t want to disappoint my parents either.

I’d apparently managed to do both at once by making one stupid dense decision.
I know I'm crying over a carton of exploded milk.

However wearisome yet frustrating it may seem, friends were there, lighten up my days. To whom may be concerned, I'm deeply thankful. To those with fake smiles plastered onto your faces with feign concerned arched onto your hearts, yes, I can see through you, please keep your distance.

I have so much to say, so much to rant, so much to articulate. I need to get them off my chest but then again I’d hate to expose the vulnerable side of me. A friend once advised me before, there's a limit to a bottle and one day it will shatter. The bottle did break. No, it exploded. Everything came spilling out and since then nothing has been right.

So what do you do when a bottle is chock-full? Let it out? Veto, find another bottle within you.

Dear friends of mine,

I know I’ve been in a rather foul mood lately. I'm so sorry.
Lately I’ve been feeling as if a bomb within me had blow up, blowing me apart across the continents. I'm picking up the pieces and gluing them back together like a jigsaw puzzle with UHU glue. Very soon, I'll be okay, I promise ;)

To my best friend,
You can fill in gaps in a way no one else ever could,
Thank you.
I suppose you can stop asking me ‘are you okay?’ twice,
just to check if I really am.
I do notice these little things okay!

I know this blogpost is slightly messy but tolerate it for my sake.