What Do I Really Want?

Normalcity is finally settling down, and so is lifelessness.

I tend to do the same things at the same time, every day. For example: waking up at that precise time, morning calls, getting hungry, using the bathroom, getting annoyed, guilt trips for not studying enough.

Arghghgh.

You Made It Happen

And so, it's been a whole month since I've stepped into eighteenhood. Until this moment, dare I say, it’s been fun; considering the privileges that came along with the big one eight. I’ve been enjoying it, making my way into 18sx movies without a glitch , getting a RED bank card of my own and such. But until recently, I hadn’t realize that there was a trade off, that I might not get away with what mindlessly innocent excuses or fit into places where I’d been comfortable.

And you would agree with me that we learn and experience new things everyday, no? Ah well, today I found out my blood type! Yes yes.. in addition to not knowing what my chinese name means, unable to use a chopstick and differentiate one dialect from another and sit in a massage chair without revealing my jakuness, I also dont know my blood type. But I finally know it! Because Chris and I were suppose to meet up and study for next week’s tests but he wanted to head over to college hall for the blood donation event going on, I jumped at the chance. I’ve always always wanted to give away my blood for a good cause. But my fear for doctors and needles are too….overpowering.

The thought of it just paralyzes me fear. Having a chopstick thick needle sticking down my arm I mean, not the blood part.

And so, I’ve always come up with a string of reasons not to donate. Not that it wasn’t true, because I was underage and I was outside the healthy weight range, until recently that is. Failing driving more than once has sent me into the deepest ends of depression has ever seen. And thus, my appetite has been massively growing. That’s why I hate it so much when I get depressed over a matter and tend to be unaware of how much I eat.

Eh, wait. I'm sidetracking again.

The entire process from filling in forms asking funny, nitty gritty questions on my health history to moment of walking out the hall a certified donor took nearly two hours. I amazingly managed to extend the whole process with my super abilities of noobness, don't ask :)

After the paperwork was done and dealed with, we had to wait to have our blood type identified by having our finger pricked. That was no ant bite okay Chris, you big bluffer. And and…there was some complications going on when identifying my blood type and pea brain Botak behind me had to wonder aloud if I was an alien. Eh can don’t say thing like a moment like this ah. I almost believed in it okay. Anyhow, matters got resolved after several more tests. Chris’s an O-type and I’m an AB. So contrast lah the both of us, I can receive blood from all blood types while he can donate to all blood types but only receive from the same blood type.

After having our blood pressure and collecting the ‘goodie bag’ containing test tube, sticky labels, a brilliant red booklet where each time I donate it'll be recorded in it, evil needle and the blood bag of course, we were strapped to the chair by the arm.

I asked nearly everyone I knew in that hall if it was gonna hurt, and I could swear they secretly ganged up to come up with the common idea that it wouldn’t hurt a slightest bit. I believe people way too easily. Because it DID hurt, very painful pulak tu.

The process of having the needle shoved into the right vein is NOT a quick and painless. Particularly when there’s a problem detecting a vein and the nurse starts telling you that nothing is wrong and that you’re a special case. -___-

It reminded me of the moment’s time I had to extract bermany-many tooth for braces. Dad always always accompanied without fail despite me clawing him while the dentist does her thing, yanking out my tooth. I was so nervous and kept bugging Chris with what if questions. What if I pengsan halfway through donating? What if my blood stop flowing halfway? What if my blood got rejected? What if the nurse poked some artery instead of the supposed vein? What if the hall caught fire and I can’t run because of the stupid needle strapping me down to the chair? What if I took much longer time, would you leave? It could have happen right?

When I'm, nervous, I blab. Sorry :S

For the few subsequent minutes that seemed like hours, after the study mate had his fill of laughing his head out on me, the 350ml bag filled up with red liquid and the needle was removed. I could literally hear angels singing. Gawd.

I walked out dengan bangganya, a certified donor. HAHAHA. Saw that a not people. I can be an air head because I just can :D

Then after, I wasn't faint or dizzy, or passing out. Instead, I has this warm fuzzy feeling inside as the nurse packaged my blood up and bandaged my arm. Donating blood was the best feeling in the world, as I knew it would go to someone who really needed it.

Did you know, one pint of blood, which is what I donated, has the potential to save up to three people's lives, and most blood drives are for local people in need. With some something like that as an incentive, why not give?

Signing Off, A Half Coward but Proud Blood Donor.
P/s: I am still awaiting the day you and I give away our organs best friend ;)

Tell Me It Isn't True

It’s one thing when a rumour is just a rumour.

Even if it buzzes and stings, no permanent damage is done.

But there’s a world difference when the rumour is true.

It changes things altogether.

White Flag

I went for my driving test again. And guess what?


I FAILED AGAIN!


This is the THIRD time I’m retaking the test and I have to fail it because of my bengongness. I highly doubt I’m ever gonna get close to obtaining my drivers license because I am so so sick of failing.

Sibeh tulan.











































Hahaha. I bet you didn’t fall for that. Did you, did you? Everyone tells me I’m such a bad liar I donno why I even bother sometimes.

But that’s not the issue to fret over now. The point is…. I PASSED.

I DID IT.

Can you believe it, I passed! OMG. I really did. *skipjumphopfly*
Despite the well wishes I’ve gotten from so many people, yeah I know… now everybody knows that I’ve failed twice, I AM still very much traumatised by my failure. I can never handle the failure department very well except for Biology, but of course, cos I’m immune to feeling all of devastation when I fail that subject. Heh.

I was well; scared, frightened, panicky and whatnot. My heartbeat sounded like a monotonous buzz, that was how fast it was pumping okay. Die or not I ask you?

I was thinking that in just case I fail the bukit/parallel parking again this time around (again), I’m not going to take the test anymore, and this time, for real. But before that, I will not get out of the car when the officer asks me to, and in deep rage and frustration, bang all the kancils around and later on the JPJ officers.

All the while I was chanting feverishly in my head that I not make yet another brilliantly grand mistake because that is what I do best despite my best of efforts not to. But I guessed, it worked :D

When I finally made it back to the start of the circuit, I was smiling so brightly my 156349 watts smile was more hazardous than a radioactive plant with laser beams all around.
:)

Here I Go Again

I’m retaking driving again.
Yes yes, I’m not giving up just yet okay.
People say I might get lucky the third time around.
So yeah.. If I don't pass, I'm gonna drop a lighted match on the head on whoever that told me that cos I'm pinning all my hopes on it.

Aaaaaaah.

If there's ever a moment 24hours a day is insufficient, it would be now.
*insert swear words*

Take Me Away

Something is not right when all you ever want to do is give up.

I want to quit this. All of this.
It's driving me insane.

But I can't.

:(

A Sign From Above

You know what? Some things are just meant to be.

And I, am meant to be driven around.
So there.

I Just Know

"Practice doesn't make perfect.
PERFECT practice makes perfect."

I will damn you, damn parking.

-

I don't always make the rightest of decisions because I tend to follow my up-to-no-good instincts and not look at the outside picture but for the best of both sides, I hope this one is. Please please let me get through this one thing unscathed, not make a fool out of myself nor bringing about unwanted attention and emotions.

Here I come!

Filling in the seconds

Hello yellow!

I actually don't have anything to blog about, yes, I'm typing this with an empty state of mind. Bare with me or go away. :)

While you read this, keep in mind that I'd actually very much like to sleep away the evening or finish the novel that I've been reading for FIVE weeks now, which is since college started if you did the math, but for the sole sake of keeping this rant blog alive; I shall do what I do best.

What's up you say? Ah well.

Time is still beyond my control. Surprised? During my busiest days at college 24 hours just don't seem quite enough. I almost want to hold out my hands in the air and try to grasp the seconds and minutes as if I can stop them from moving on. Imagine a little girl trying to catch bubbles. That's how I'd look.

Economics and Accounts tests were tricky, otherwise a-okay with the help of last minute studying and late nights. Aihs. The lifestyle I'm picking up is worrying me. I must stop putting other peoples needs before mine. Why am I so nice all the time is a big big unanswered question.

And I'm having a dilemma with my room. YAH. As stoopid as it may sound, the place where I
snacksleepstoneshitstudymerajokandhidefrompeople
is now a MAJOR distraction box. I didn't know such thing is possible of occurring until last Thursday after I nicely allocated the four hours after class and before gym session to menghabiskan overdue tutorials. I ended up sleeping an hour away. But what happen to the other three hours? Time just disappeared. Vanished, poof. And the next thing I know, Sha's dragging me to gym despite me protesting and making deals that don't make sense. She hates to run you see, more than I do anyway, so I can use that to my advantage. Shh.

I actually have tests for gym. Omg wei. First they make me watch dvds, then run all over college, now tests. What is it with my college and cheating me? I thought gym was all fun, AVOIDING the sun at all cost, sucking in the air conditioned place with fun friendly gadgets that zaps away fats and flabby thighs? The whole bunch of us were given briefing on how the practical tests was conducted which involves the teacher elaborately demoing on the proper way of using the gadgets and adjusting them to suit our height, strength and all.

While all that happened, some drama happen which involves the not so balanced part of me and whacking my head on the equipments and tripping on mats. Leaving ugly bumps all over my head for I did not hit it once but twice. Never underestimate the powerfulness and kekerasan of gym equipments weh. It felt as if a coconut was thrown on my head, twice :( Now I'm labeled as an accident magnet, everyone has to extra careful around me. The situations I get myself into is so...wow la.


It's late and I want my sleep. Heehee.
Till then, goodnight!

HSM3 Anyone?

Who would have thought Disney star Zac Efron had muscles?..

I was surfing through People.com and chanced upon this, did a little double take, and mumbled to myself how lucky Vanessa whats-her-name was. Grr.

I have never really been a fan of HSM, nor have I watched HSM 3 yet. But according to reviews, it was reaally nice dance and song numbers.

Really ah?

Aih

No time to stay and rant, I've got  tests to study for.

For the next week or so, I'll be on a mourning binge. So don't raise an eyebrown when you see me only in black or white. 

Stoopid wind that blew the tiang down :((

This Week's Aims

1. Pass the driving test.
2. Not fall into depression should I happen to fail.
3. Chocolate Mint Bubble Milk Tea.
:)

Can I or Can I Not?

Just got back from driving. My last lesson.

Um, yay?

And it's finally dawned on me that my driving test is tomorrow!

I'm gonna start freaking out. What if I fail?!

Everyone has been a bunch of confusing asses. One second they tell me "Sure can one. No problem, I have faith in you" And the other second they say "Aiya, Weishya sure fail."

So can I or can I not do it?

I cannot afford to fail.

I'll never live up to it if I fail.

And Daddy will slowly torture me then kill me with his "Why are you so stubborn, I told you not to tekan minyak when making a turn right?".

And imagine how much the guys will tease me. I really cannot fail.

I will NOT fail.

Note to self:
1. Not close my eyes when I'm reaching the line during my slope test. Yah, I know I'm damn retarded. I get so scared that I’ll not reach the line or I'll pass the line that I close my eyes.
2. Remember my lefts and rights. Maybe I should draw arrows on my palms to indicate the lefts and rights...
3. Change gears at the right time. Ms Chin keeps saying "slower, slower" or "faster, faster". How come I cannot drive at an appropriate speed?
4. Turn the steering wheel properly and go slower whenever I’m making a turn, ESPECIALLY U-TURNS. Sometimes I turn super nicely, sometimes Daddy gives me that look. How la, how la.
5. Everytime I make a turn, check for blind spots. Every failure to check blind spot will cost me 4 points. It's downright stupid to make this mistake. Why waste demerit points on blind spots? Where I can easily avoid this mistake by TURNING MY BIG HEAD.
6. Remember the test route! Imagine what would happen if I got lost.
7. Not make my engine die. Stupid clutch.
8. Remember to wear my safety belt, check the gear, check the mirrors, check the wipers and signal. I really don't know why they make us go through the hassle of checking everything. Blah.

And Dear Buddha(you love me right?), please also:
1. Give me a nice kancil with a proper clutch and gear and door during the test. People tell me some of the kancils they got are so retarded.
2. Give me a nice tester that will overlook the teeny weeny meeny mistakes I make and by luck, switch gears for me.
3. Keep me safe and make sure I don't do anything retarded like squeezing my eyes shut or going too fast or not turning the wheel when making a turning.

And lastly,
4. HELP ME PASS!

:)

If I can't see you. You can't see me.

Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.




I got this from the net. Go look it up. There's a list of slogans from each corporate sponsor.

Damn funny okay.

Anyway, it's been confirmed that I'm taking my driving exam next Monday. Which is exactly in what, three days? If I go for it, I won't be back in time for Monday classes and skipping would be the last thing I wanna do cos Mondays are packed to the brim with classes and replacing them would be a hassle. Especially after I've taken serious measures to find a good Econs lecture that fits my timetable so nicely :(

Major bummer.

A friend actually came up to me and said, 'don't bother skipping class for exams lah, cause you sure fail wan'. Just you wait. Sheeshs.

So yes, I'll be back in Subang for three days instead of the usual quickie weekend back home! Turns out, daddy dearest wants me to take extra driving lessons. He suggested it merely ten minutes after getting into the car during the test practice on Friday eveining which I went out all the way just to get back home in time for.. -.-

So of course, in order not to not fail, waste money, and piss him off, must go right. Ha! There goes my weekends la. So much for it.

There's also the visit to the dentist which will earn me glares and nurses chastising me for not making it to the appointment on the appointed date, again! I really don't plan to miss appointments all the time, but it happens. Even after I've set multiple reminders.

Econs test and Accounting next week. My stress level is increasing at a rate I can't even predict. Wth, my pimples all pop out already lah. Like really.

P/s: Happy November ppl! :))