Keep Moving Forward (Eat or be Eaten)

The decision to go overseas is not something which can be taken lightly. I know this because I am already living somewhere I do not call home, and it has changed my life, the way I see myself and almost destroyed me at times. Yet, thanks to the people around me, I know it is not life which truely breaks me, but myself. I am the one who has let my thoughts devour me, the one who hid, the one who shied away when opportunities came knocking, the one who allowed negativity to claw its way through my door.

Just last week I was literally shoved off the edge to find myself standing at the tip of a balancing pole (52638 feet high) where I have to choose between staying on in Cinallege and *inserts foreign country. I can imagine you out there virtually yelling in my ear, with built in amplifiers, in support of the latter. Of course a foreign education would win hands down but if only you would just listen to my concerns before nudging me towards one direction of the shaft I so uncertainly lull upon.

But alas, a choice has to be made. And, I am staying.

Times like this seem hard. When you make a decision to stay, and everyone else leaves, visions of a possible future flash by your eyes, and just as quickly disappear, with no sign or mark of its passing but the slight wind that ruffles through your hair. This niggling feeling that the world is moving on to greater heights, heights I am able and have always wanted to achieve, and leaving me behind, just won’t go away. I know this is a topic which has been discussed and advised on almost to death. But hey, we're all human. Doubts and distress are a part of life, and without them, what would there be to make movies about? Despite the feeling of regret, I know in my heart that I am strong enough to overcome these petty emotions, which I am brave enough to see my decision through and remain where I am.



Note to self: choosing to remain is not the same as choosing to come to a standstill in life. (insert smiley face)

Why Am I So Lazy?

Scientists have yet to find answers to the question above.
Time to buck up you science students!

-________________________-

Plans

I have no plans.

I just want to sit on the patio and drink coffee with you all summer. Make new memories. Sing old songs. Dance to the rain. Be carried away by sleep. And when we awake, we’ll start all over again.

With no plans.

Harper S. Lewis

Daring

there is no place more public than blogspot to say things like:

screw you xyzfgh, from every direction possible.

I don't usually abuse my blog in this manner but you know what, I feel a tad bit better now.
So there.

A Week Behind

14 May 2010

Returning from the land below the wind, not only left me with mixed feelings of imperishable freight of happiness interlaced with sadness of never having to meet certain individuals (nevnev & edenden!) for a very very long time but I was also swept off my feet with the reality of that college is resuming in a matter of days set in slowly, unseeingly but definite.

It started out with the recent release of results from the last semester, new timetables for the coming semester, facebook debacles on the orientation/no orientation issue, and finally what I think makes it all set into stone was the graduate’s list and notice on convocation that affirm things and made the sky seem bluer than before. Want to close my eyes and pretend this is not happening also cannot -__-“

I miss hostel to some extent albeit the many downsides of it because it brings out the best in me. By best I mean the hardworking side of me who’s always on the go and not the current me who slacks and just wants to sleep all day. Argh so unproductive!

Weird as it already sounds in my head and it is exceptionally uncanny of me to be telling you that; actually, I’m looking forward to going back to college again. I’m somewhat optimistic about my next two years of college life because after last semester, I’m pretty determined to start afresh and anew again. No more antisocial Shya who sits in the room studying from evening to dawn!

I have never been able to sit still (people who know me can attest to that) and my need to be on top and ahead of everything wears me out. But I can’t stop lol. 

But then hor...

Aha yes, there’s always a counteract to any good feelings I have, it’s like a term and condition clause clouding over me never allowing me to dodge from. Very ‘suey’ like that. This is why I am the skeptic that I am today. Truth is, I am terrified. I guess I always am when the future is concern. The mere thought of waking up every morning with the familiar zombie/sleep deprived/overworked washing machine feeling and the non-existent that will shadow upon the two years isn’t a very comforting thought lah. 

Moral of the story; don’t aspire to be a smart student if you want a life. Some people can do the party-all-night, dota-all-night, spend-all-night-drinking-teh ais at-mamak thingy and still produce strings of As but I just CANNOT *narrow eyes at brain cells* 


And I simply do not possess the skill to pull off the whole i’m-an-accounting-student-and-I-still-have-a-life-because-i’m-smart-like-that show. Not that I’m publicly announcing my lack of brain here because I wouldn’t want to jinx myself by failing the next finals paper loh becos it will suck ostrich balls if I do.

Advance Forth

A: Are you ready?


B: No one is ever too ready for anything.

It's Official

I graduated with a freaking distinction!!!! 


Not that I already not know beforehand but having it printed out in black and white for the world wide web to see kinda officiates it. Hehhe


Fellow DAC peeps, congratulations! Give urself a pat on the back or treat urself to ice cream cos after 26 final papers, 2478 tests, 561 presentations, 38 assignments and approximately 7324843 sleepless hours later, we surely do deserve at least just that :)


See you all in a few days!

Nap Deprived because.....

I've been blatantly been taking pictures of thyself and six/seven other energetically vain and yet keen youths keen on exploring Sabah as much and fast as possible!