Shes Returning

Eleanor Rigby :

Eleanor apologises for the long hiatus, but Eleanor simply does not have the stamina to blog on Weishya's behalf anymore.

On a brighter note , our beloved blogger, wank-worthy, shampoo showgirl Weishya is returning on the

14th of MAY!

Prepare well, Ladies and Gentleman.
She expects shampoo and cookies

Eleanor Rigby,
Signing off

Terrible Tuaran 2

Eleanor Rigby :

Eleanor apologizes for the long hiatus, and hopes that frequent readers of this blog still maintain a tendency to visit.

Eleanor has much to report on the condition of our beloved blogger. Terrible Tuaran is taking it's toll on the World of Weishya, as Eleanor has never heard her complain this much before.

And this includes the time Eleanor bought her the wrong shampoo......

To start off on a terrible note, Wonder-Woman-Weishya reports that her hair is getting fluffy.
This cannot be good. It might even be in one of Nostradamus' terrible predictions.

Could HE have predicted this ?

Heck, Eleanor hears they might make an episode of "Third Wave" about this fluffy haired incident.

On a lighter note, wank-worthy-Weishya informs Eleanor that the "guys here are short short, tegap tegap one".

And oh yeah, apparently they're better looking too because they have "incomparable eyes"

Her grammar is obviously suffering. So is her eyesight. A girl from KL in need of good looking men ?

That's the most stupid thing Eleanor has heard since "Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird"

Maybe He can...

However, not all is bad. Some things are just worse.

How many of you people out there have seen a CLOSED 7/11 ?
Eleanor hasn't, but Weishya has.

Eleanor hasn't heard of such STRANGE happenings since aliens landed in Roswell, or when George Bush won reelection in 2004.

But then again, it IS Sabah.
I guess outrage should be reserved till Eleanor actually visits Sabah.

24/7 my ass

What DOES scare Eleanor (and Weishya) is that our beloved blogger has had her number spread amongst the Sabahan trainees.

Imagine a Sabahan pickup line...

" If looks could kill, you'd be a weapon of mass destruction"
It would probably be something along those lines, but laced with references to hot steamy sex in a long house while headhunters hunt KL-ians for ceremonial purposes in the backyard.

And so,
this is a calling to all you red blooded men out there who want Weishya all to yourselves!

SAVE HER!!!
SAVE HER!!!
SAVE HER!!!

How you ask ?

Simple. Say you're Sarawakian. They're scared to death of their southern neighbours.

Why you ask ?
Sarawakians are taller.

(L to R) Sarawakian, Sabahan

Weishya has also informed Eleanor that she is " bad with her hands"

Eleanor cannot help but admit that countless sexual references rushed through his/her head at the time of mentioning.

However, Weishya was to set Eleanor straight when she informed Eleanor that she is in fact bad at juggling.

Eleanor breathes a sigh of relief, as he/she now knows that Weishya is still adept at using her "hands".

But still, juggling as a requirement of National Service ? I guess it's our taxpayers money at work again.

Now, SHE'S good with her hands

At least our homesick hottie has been chosen to slide down a flying fox on NS open day! (The flying fox stretches over a wide wide lake)

She's scared to death, so send her Oreos.

Eleanor must admit though, that the thought of our sexy shampoo showgirl shimmying down a thin, taut rope with nothing but 2 thin clasps of metal clinging on to her for dear life, is a funny thought.

How incredibly sadistic of Eleanor.

Finally, on a rather pensive note, Eleanor is depressed, disgusted and annoyed to announce that this terrific blog was NOT chosen to be in the top 10 of the Happy Moments contest.

It is an outrage.

However, life IS unfair, and what is done IS done, and Eleanor is afraid of Weishya's return.

Eleanor does not wish to sound like a sore loser, and therefore would like to thank all you well wishers out there for voting and supporting this blog.

And so, Weishya and Eleanor would like to wish YOU a big and hearty THANK YOU!


Thank you for your support, and may you continue frequenting this blog!

Till next time,
Eleanor, signing off

Terrible Tuaran

Eleanor Rigby:

Eleanor is present to report the happenings in Tuaran. Any outrage at PLKN's conduct should be directed in a healthy manner.

Eleanor recommends riots.

Eleanor's lovely Sunday evening was punctuated with our beloved blogger informing me that she had been "crying her eyes out" and her eyes were "exhausted" due to her exertions.

Eleanor confesses that Eleanor could not help but feel a pang of worry.

Thank God for Albert Einstein.

Eleanor suggested Bobby Mcferrin

Apparently, our homesick hottie was feeling the ill effects of watching other trainees exercise their parental visitation rights whilst she was stuck on a cold hard floor (green).

The fact that the parents' names were announced over loudspeaker did not help her cause.

Sounds like a scene out of "The Green Mile", doesn't it ?

Not this version though

That is not all that NS puts our wank-worthy Weishya through however.
She is also forced to sit in meetings with hundreds of people. It has a sense of being "crampy and humid".

Sounds like a sauna, except with BO.

Eleanor cannot help but wonder what the trainees discuss. It probably boils down to 3 major issues faced by them everyday.

1. The frogs in the toilet
2. The dried fried fish that tastes worse than bulls testicles
3. Why people don't say, " I want AN unicorn"

AN awesome unicorn

But of course the torture would not be complete yet.

Eleanor found out that our shampoo showgirl has been ordered, along with the rest of her female trainees, to retire to bed WHILST WEARING THEIR UNIFORMS.

Clad in their hats, belts and every other useless contraption that makes sleeping less comfortable, our beloved blogger is forced to sleep in her uniform!

Note: Women in uniform in bed, it's not as kinky as it sounds

Imagine that. With uniforms

Now, i'm sure all of you curious readers out there must be wondering, what could they possibly have done to deserve such a fate ?

Heck, some of the cynical ones might even say " Let the punishment fit the crime".

Well, you cynical ones are right.
The crime: A pair of socks was stolen.

A PAIR!!!!

Steal 2 pairs, and you'll be sent to The Hague

Eleanor rests his/her case.

And finally, Eleanor and Weishya would like to thank all you well wishers out there who have voted diligently every day to ensure that this terrific blog gets into the top 10 of the Happy Moments contest.

Win or no win, we are in debt to all of you for your support.

Eleanor, signing off

Eleanor Rigby:

The weekend is here. For all us free birds, it marks the beginning of the best 2 days of the week.
Not so in Tuaran though. All anybody has to look forward to in the World of Weishya is the fact that their handphones are returned.

And as such, Eleanor is pleased to report that Weishya has updated Eleanor to update all you readers and well wishers out there about her present situation.

For starters, PLKN camps in Tuaran have suddenly grown awfully stingy with fruits. Our sizzling shampoo showgirl feels that our taxpayers money is going to waste because she does not get second helpings of watermelon.

Vestiges of a spoilt life. We should all be thankful.

Wouldn't YOU want second helpings ?

Due to the constant monotony faced by NS trainees (especially those in Tuaran, Sabah), our beloved blogger has informed Eleanor that she has "forgotten" what common folk do on our weekends nowadays.

Eleanor felt that it was his/her duty to inform her that on weekends,

Men will
1) Watch football
2) Have sex
3) Have a slab of roasted meat

Note: All of the above activities are conducted IN THAT ORDER

Fantasy

Women will
1) Have sex
2) Do their nails
3) Roast pork/beef/ any form of meat for her male partner

Note: Above activities are conducted IN THAT ORDER

Reality

(To all you feminists out there : Take this as a joke, because there's no other way to take it)

Apparently such comforts are not present in Tuaran.

Eleanor breathes a sigh of relief though.

Shock was to hit Eleanor square in the face later though, as wank-worthy Weishya informed Eleanor that she might gain weight when she returns. (!!!!!!)

Now that IS a frightening thought.

She says she might fit a shirt that size soon

Another frightening thought to hit Eleanor is the information that due to the salty food, humid weather, and lack of haircare products, our homesick hottie might come back BALD. (!!!!)

Again,it is another reason to put a stop to this tyrannical policy of sending wank-worthy-women to murky jungles at their prime.

Looks like she might be raising less male meat staffs now. *droops*

But, on a lighter note, she has also informed Eleanor that her IQ is going "downhill the mountain kinabalu". ( note the terrible grammar, ironic no?)

She blames this on the fact that, on weekends, PLKN makes her watch cartoons called "budak lapuk".

It is "damn lame wan" ( Weishya, 2008) as it is "draggy for a cartoon" (Weishya, 2008).

They don't get THIS in Tuaran

Weishya also wishes Eleanor to inform all you well wishers out there that the deadline to vote is coming soon, and wishes that you all will vote to your utmost. Parents are visiting this Sunday, and she'll be extra sad if she isn't in the top 10. ( Her parents don't visit because Tuaran doesn't count as civilization)

Have a heart, people.

And finally, Tuaran practices drinking green pea soup for supper.

Don't you think she's suffered enough ?

Have a heart. That's disgusting

Eleanor, signing off

P.S.: Vote for this blog!!! Put her in the top 10!!!

Tantalizing Tuaran

NOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC PHOTOS, ONLY PROCEED IF YOU WILL NOT COMPLAIN.

Eleanor Rigby:

Eleanor reports that over the weekend, the World of Weishya was filled with discontent.
Weishya has learnt over the weekend the importance of mastering the Chinese language, the lack of hunks with pickup lines in Chinese, how much vegetables suck, and how much a man's genitals in soup COULD taste better than dried fried fish.

Eleanor feels that it is his/her duty to inform YOU of her present situation.

Firstly, her Sunday began with a visit to a "grand and mighty" temple in Sabah. Eleanor had the pleasure of discovering that speeches and talks conducted in Chinese is not our beloved blogger's cup of tea.

Apparently, it's like throwing her into a "pitch black well".

Pitch black well ?

As it was the weekend after all, our dearest shampoo showgirl also had high hopes for a delicious lunch.

She was disappointed. Vegetables are not food.

On another frightening note, after Eleanor offered her a mutual "friend's"(male) genitals(filleted) in soup , she replied that she'd "like a bit" if it was better than dried fried fish.

Thank god for shrinks.

If the Spaniards can eat it, so can she

Seeing the other trainees getting visits from their parents also incited a pang of jealousy in our homesick hottie's heart. To all you content little people out there kicking back in your leather armchairs, she wants Oreos.

Better than parents

Through 17 years of education, and roughly a month of National Service, Weishya feels that she has gathered enough knowledge to inform Eleanor that "chipsmore's make you smarter and stronger".

Looks like the mosquitoes and spiteful group leaders she tells Eleanor about have taught her well.

Another notable feature of Weishya's observations over in Tuaran is that PLKN is grooming homosexually orientated youths.
Proof of this is when male trainees fold each others sleeves.

No wonder lubricant sells like hot cakes.

Compulsory for all male trainees

A lack of information in the form of television of newspapers doesn't help the secluded an segregated atmosphere. Apparently, the "Borneo News" is all they get. Even a neutral would yearn for that one-sided, politically aligned excuse for a newspaper also known as The Star.


And finally,
A NOTE OF WARNING TO ALL : HER HAIR IS WILTING IN THE SABAHAN SUN.
This is alarm bells people. We have reached a crisis none of us ever dreamed we would ever face in our lifetimes. SHE NEEDS SUNSILK!!

Better than Oreos

That is all that Eleanor has to report for now, Eleanor wishes that the hard-to-satisfy readers of this blog will enjoy this post.

If you don't, bite me.

Eleanor, signing off.

P.S. : Vote for this blog so she'll come home with a present from all her well wishers!